Cliche ‘Scrooge’ Title.

Standard

Well, it’s been a long time since I posted… I’m not excited about Christmas this year.
I miscarried again.
Again.

As a child, I looked forward to Christmas like a crazy person. When I got married, I was so ready to start my family so I could make Christmas magical for my children just like it was for me. Now I’m at my fourth married Christmas, I’m still childless, and now my husband has leukemia.
I find myself asking ‘Why us?’ more and more often now.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix all the sadness in the world.
What I really want is answers..
Why does my body do this?
Why don’t people understand that I’m screaming in frustration inside while I smile and carry on with my life on the outside?
Why is everything so complicated?
Why?
Bobby’s white blood cell count has gone up again. If it keeps going up at this rate, he’ll be in chemo by summer.
I’m scared.
I’m angry.
I’m sad.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one this is happening to. I know I’m not. It just feels that way.

Sorry for the depressing post.
Happy Christmas.
Saira.

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