Monthly Archives: September 2012

…. and what about babies?


July was my last round of Clomid, and with everything that’s been going on lately, getting pregnant hasn’t really been my number one priority. I’m ready to start Clomid again in October, but I wonder if now is even a  good time to get pregnant. Do I want to have to deal with a newborn and Bobby’s CLL? Is it selfish of me to want to keep trying to conceive right now? Am I putting too much stress on myself and ultimately Bobby? These questions swim around in my head all day long, and frankly, it’s exhausting. I just want everything to be okay. I want Bobby to be healthy. I want to give him the children he’s wanted for so long. I want things to, just for once, be easy.

Bobby had a CAT scan done this morning to rule out Lymphoma, and we went ahead and saw his Primary Doctor, who gave us a packet of recipes to nourish him and give him all the nutrients he needs. He reminded us that we ultimately become what we put in to our bodies.

Please just bear with me as I try to sort all of this out.

Love, Saira


Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia


Well, I’m back. I’m 21 now (yay!) but I haven’t even been concerned about my birthday since about noon on my actual birthday. Bobby was sick. Really really sick. He was dehydrated, and he couldn’t keep anything in. At 9:30 p.m. we dashed over to St. Michael’s Emergency Room just a few miles from where we live. They checked his vitals, hooked him up to an IV, and took some blood for testing. The doctor came in and said it looked like a gastrointestinal virus of some sort, and we waited on his blood results. After a while the nurse (Sarah) came in and said she needed to take more blood because his white blood cell count had come up really reallyhigh. They recalibrated the machines, ran another patients blood before his, then ran his blood again. Sarah walked in and told us that his WBC was at 107. (Well is that good or bad?)  The normal range of white blood cells is 2-12. The average for someone with an infection is 12-20. They said Bobby was at 107!Then, the biggest bomb ever was dropped on us “These levels are consistent with some form of leukemia.” Leukemia.

The doctor, of course wanted Bobby admitted to the hospital immediately, so Sarah made the necessary arrangements to have Bobby admitted right away. As we were leaving, Sarah hugged us and asked us to tell her when we found out what was going on.  As we drove to Memorial Hermann Woodlands, we were both pretty freaked out. when we got to the hospital, it was deserted. I’ve never seen a hospital that empty before. We signed all the forms, and sat in the ER waiting room for “transportation” which means a nurse with a wheelchair. Bobby was wheeled up to the 5th Floor, and that’s where we met our night nurse, Michelle. Michelle was a thin, tall, blonde woman with a personality as  big as Texas itself. She made us feel comfortable and answered any and all of our questions to the best of her ability. We sat for about 20 minutes answering questions about Bobby’s family history, why he’s there, what he ate for breakfast, you know, the grilling. We hardly slept that first night, and the next morning I ran home to get a few things for Bobby, feed our pets, and make sure all of our valuables were locked away. By the time I got back to the hospital, Bobby had already been whisked away for a CAT scan, so I layed down for a quick snooze. Right when I fell asleep, the nurse wheeled Bobby back in. A few hours later, the Hematologist/Oncologist came in and told us that what we were looking at was most likely Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia or Lymphoma. His WBC count had gone down from 107.8 to 84.1, so that was a small step.

The good news was he doesn’t have Acute Leukemia, so his life isn’t in any direct danger… as far as we know. He was kept on IV and antibiotics until he was released on Tuesday. That day, my throat had been hurting, and since I really didn’t want to get Bobby sick, so I went to our Primary Doctor, and he told me I have Sinusitis. I was sent on my way with a prescription for  an antibiotic, and I went to the grocery for food along the guidelines of his special diet. Wednesday afternoon, we had our first appointment with the Oncologist, who gave us the official diagnosis. Bobby has CLL. This morning (It is Thursday, right?) Bobby had more blood work done, and tomorrow morning, he has another CAT Scan. We are waiting for the full spectrum to be explained to us. Needless to say, as much reassurance as we’ve gotten, we are scared. We don’t have any kids, we just celebrated our 3rd Anniversary, and we have too many things left to do to let something like this get in our way. Bobby has been so strong throughout this whole process. I can look in his eyes and see his concern, but he doesn’t wallow. He is my hero. I will never, ever leave his side. I will keep updating as we find more out. Love, Saira.

I am so lucky


Okay, I’m going to brag about my husband for a minute. So, he’s been sick for the last 4 days, and He’s now starting to get better. Not once did he complain. Nope, He kept his normal work schedule, took calls, fixed issues with customers, etc. He also keeps asking me today if I’m okay. He wants to know if I AM OKAY! Yes, I’m fine. But it just shows how incredibly selfless he is. The last time I was sick I reverted back to my kindergarten days when all I wanted was to lay in bed, color in my coloring books, and watch The Lion King.

My Hubby is my rock, my hero, my best friend, and my confidant. He knows all of my deepest, darkest secrets, and for some reason, this amazing man loves me. I mean, he really, really loves me. It’s flattering and astonishing at the same time. What’s so special about me? What do I have to offer? I know what it is. I love him for nothing more and nothing less than exactly who he is. I am so grateful that he loves me too.

Eleven Days


Just eleven more days until I’m 21.

Twenty-one. Years. Old.

This is the birthday I’ve been waiting for.

It’s also my third wedding anniversary. I can’t believe I’ve had the honor and priveledge of being married to my best friend and the most amazing man I’ve ever known for THREE YEARS!!!

On the weightloss front:

Since 6 July I have lost 16 pounds. Not phenomenal, but still pretty great:)

I am so thankful for my Hubby. My rock. My motivation. My inspiration.

(If you’re reading this, I love you!!!)

Today I went to the grocery store, and decided to try some new things.

Here’s the Haul: